‘Is this it’? ‘Don’t you want MORE?’ ‘More excitement, more joy, more life?’; these were the gentle whispers of my soul.
'You want more? Who do you think you are? Every thing is fine, don't now go and mess it all up with your foolishness! Just be happy with what you have already'; was the response of my much louder and not so gentle inner critic.
But my Soul didn’t give up, she entered my dreams and moments of quiet contemplation: ‘hey pssst ...you are destined for MORE”.
I used to think she meant that I should do more, achieve more, have more but I understand now that is not what she meant. She was trying to tell me that there is more… me!
And she was right, Sister was she right, as I had indeed forgotten all about most of me. Growing up in Holland with the famous dutch slogan ‘act normal, that is crazy enough’, I had suppressed the most powerful parts of myself to ‘fit in’ ‘to be normal’ and so acceptable in the eyes of others. I had become ‘the good girl’ ‘the acceptable one’ but to be this I had to disown the wilder, untamed parts of myself. I had to sacrifice my magic, my guardian angels, my inner Knowing, my crazy inner glippy* wild child. I had to replace my colorful glittery magical utopian world view with the dull grey and pastel of ‘the real world'.
The more I followed her whispers, the more I found ME and although it was not always celebrated by others and often uncomfortable, I liked what I found!
I always believed that I was not good enough, not powerful enough and just didn’t have what it takes to live my dreams. I felt I lacked the confidence and power to do the work that I wanted to do. The more I worked with Soul however, the more I understood it was not the thought ‘I am not enough’ that was holding me back. It was the original though ‘I am too much’ that was the problem. It was that thought that created a separation within myself, that thought of too-muchness for the celebrated norm of normality that led me to disown the ‘crazy', and most powerful, parts of myself.
Slowly over time I started to re-claim myself and most importantly I started to accept myself. I no longer felt the need for others to accept me now I had given this to myself. The more I uncovered me, I found out that under the ‘tamed, normal, nice, good girl’ I do have fiery opinions, I do have wild passion and I do have a drive to make my colorful utopian dreams come true! Freeing myself from the need to be acceptable & normal, I found my power, my magic, my voice and my ‘crazy’ passion for life, for love and for helping others connect to more of themselves too. As I believe in magic and magic does not fit in normal, it lives in your wildest dreams, your deepest longing, your highest vision and biggest joy.
It is this journey back to me, that has inspired the creation of the 6 months online RISE & SHINE coaching journey for women whose soul whispers: ‘It this it?, 'don't you want MORE?” ‘More excitement, more joy, more life?’ ‘More YOU?’